When I look back at my educational journey, I see a place of tons of ups and downs, lots of struggles both personal and academic. I quite honestly don’t remember much of my earlier years, but I do remember Covid and beyond, the worst experience being the last couple of years. But now looking back, I feel its definitely made me stronger, and quite honestly I feel if I didn’t go through these things, I would not be where I am today. I believe that it happened for a reason and I am quite honestly very grateful. Throughout these events I had an amazing support system, and it made me realize how important it is to not be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
My middle school experience started off quite normal, in person, going to class everyday seeing my friends. Then one day in mid March, I was preparing to go to school the next day when I heard something that not a lot of kids want to hear. “In person school cancelled until further notice due to a pandemic, virtual schooling will start in the next couple of days.” I was honestly crushed. I wasn’t the biggest school lover but I loved seeing all my friends, and it made me sad that I wasn’t going to be able to do that anymore. As we went through this virtual schooling me and most of my friends drifted apart. When school started up in person again, it was very different. Because over that period of time my friends and I grew apart by the time I went back, I only had one friend left that would talk to me, which was very hard on me. I didn’t want to go to school, had very low energy. I feel this is kind of when my anxiety started.
As I moved through middle school and high school, I feel like this anxiety increased a lot. Throughout these years I was on medications, in and out of counselors and other support. And eventually we reach last year where I hit my rock bottom. It got so bad that I started having suicidal ideations, and harmed myself a couple of times. It felt like I was alone and nobody was there for me, until one day I decided to open up to family, and counselors, and even some of my professors that I trusted. And opening up about it, even just talking about it made me feel so much better, that I wasn’t alone, I never was. My professors were very understanding and patient with me during this time. They worked with me and made adjustments and extensions when needed. Eventually things started to look up.
Looking back, I can see how this was a very scary experience to go through, but also how its a positive in a way, because I had an amazing support system, who without, I probably wouldn’t still be standing here today. And even though it sucked at the time, now I definitely think it was something I had to go through, to become stronger and realize I am capable of more than I think I am.
The sad truth is, a lot of student go through what I did, and I don’t want them to go through it alone. I had amazing teachers and support system who guided me through it all and I want to be that same person for my future students. I want them to feel like they can trust me and open up to me when something is wrong, and not pretend everything is ok when it is not. I want to do what I can, whether that be working with the student on adjustments or extensions on things etc., to be able to help guide them through the dark path, and back into the light where they belong. It it because I understand exactly how much this sucks, that I want to be there for my future students, and help prevent it from happening to them.
Moving forward into my own classroom in the future, I will strive to do the best I can to be the best support system and role model as I can for these kids as they grow and develop into adults. I truly just want the best for them and to see them succeed. I feel that my experience with mental health issues will play a big factor as to how I handle my classroom and teaching methods. I am committed to being an educator that prioritizes that connection with my students, its more important to me than anything, and I hope to be as great of a teacher as my lovely professors that helped me through this extremely dark time in my life.